so im babysitting this girl right now and we’re watching tv and the satellite sort of cut out cause it was raining really hard
so i just said “thunder god if you give back our satellite i’ll give you ice cream”
a second later the thunder clapped again and our tv came back
the girl is forcing me to hold up my end of the deal so guess who’s making ice cream for the thunder god
YOU KNOW HOW BABIES GET ALL QUIET AND CALM WHEN THEY SEE A MOBILE
SO APPARENTLY THEY DO THIS BECAUSE THE MOBILE RESEMBLES BIRDS OF PREY FLYING OVERHEAD THAT COULD POTENTIALLY CARRY THEM OFF
IT’S A EVOLUTIONARY PRECEDENT SO THAT IF THE BABY STAYS STILL THE BIRD WON’T NOTICE AND EAT IT
BABIES DON’T LIKE MOBILES
THEY’RE FUCKING TERRIFIED
I am more than a bit disturbed by how hard I laughed at this.
when im older and my kid needs me to sign something for school im just gonna write “Dad” in really crappy handwriting so it seems like my kid forged my signature and the teacher calls to tell me and im just “yes no it is i dad”
i posted this when i accidentally took too much medication
screw you guys
In French, you don’t really say “fuck me.” You say “mets ta baguette magique dans mon four,” which is closer to “put your magic baguette in my oven.”
I love that. Baguettes in ovens. It’s about food.
I’m French and I’m pretty sure you say ‘casse-moi’ which means something like ‘break me’. Just saying.
no that doesn’t make sense that’s much too violent
the french dont like violence they like bread